Frozen

Another poem.  I'm thinking about reading this one to my therapist but I'm not sure, it's a really scary thought for me.

Frozen

I feel like I'm frozen

Seven-year-old chosen

Favorite of Him

Victim

I never grew up

Just painted this phycological makeup

Hoped to get rid of the fear

Now, I'm in my sixteenth year

My memories

They're stories

I don't own them but nobody told them

Coming from my head but I can't feel them

The shame

Responsibility I claim

I could of said done tried more

But I stayed silent to endure

Would they have believed

What he has thieved

Or denied

Called it lies

Now I'm older

But still carrying this bolder

Letting it out

That's what they say its about

What happens if I tell

On it they dwell 

Tell, Secret suddenly

Everyone knows, they see ME

A me broken 

Never out spoken

Dreamer lost

Disposed of tossed

Could they really assist

Or would the truth twist

Bend flexed into a more believable lie

One that doesn't make em cry

When they hear what they want to hear

contorted to a burden they can bare

 No, they might listen to what I say

I need healing I don't care for him to pay

I would wish to forget

But I still feel the threat

I do rather remember it

I have to admit

So now I have told

To others please withhold

They don't need to know

This one request to me you owe

Thank you

To Talk

A new poem I've been working on.  It's about my struggle with selective mutism.

To talk

Heart thump thump thump

In my throat a lump

Head racing

Palms sweating

Lights flashing

World crashing

Stop

Slow motion pen drop

Tick- tok tick- tok

Brain question roadblock

Say something

I have nothing

What did she ask

An answer shouldn't be such a task

Come on think think think

Eyes blink

She's looking at me

Deep breath in and out calmly

It's no use my lungs are glass

I look out at the sassafras

I try to say just a word

But her eyes aren't on me anymore

I wish Like others it would be easy to talk 

Instead out the window I gawk

Eventually she will say something

Maybe a new subject matter she will bring

If I'm lucky I'll find my voice

As if all along it was a choice

I Remember

This is something I wrote awhile ago.  I made this blog to share things I write and I want to put some things up.  I'll have newer writing shortly.

I Remember

I remember when you hurt me
Your cold eyes, me trying not to see
I remember you came int my room
I wished so hard I was instead in a tomb
I remember it was dark
I was the mino you the shark
I remember my pathetic eyes meeting yours
The pain this girl still endures
I remember when you grabbed my hand
What's in store next I know you had planned
I remember the locked doors and shut curtains
Next you turned to me with slight grin
I remember my fears
When you gently wiped my tears
I remember your demands
My night gown pulled over my hair of strands
I remember my plea of no
I wished nothing but to be let go
I remember how I pray
For you never again to rip my halo away

Please stop child sexual abuse
One in four girls,
One in six boys
Most know their abusers,
Many don't tell