Dumb

Dumb

I must be dumb

I was not prepared for this outcome

I was not ready to see the text staring back at me

A knotted vine to unravel from the tree

A maze lost and bewildered

Met with anticipation and I shivered

It's too hard I forced myself down

I burry myself so deep I drown

Loss of hope I feel I must be my best

But I can always be a little better I take away rest

The nights grow frightening

The clouds shot down lightning

And I'm still striving for perfection

I'm to hard on myself take to heart every correction

Top notch I can do more than I think

Until on day I'm overloaded and I sink

I fear good enough

I mock it and at it I scuff

I get caught up in attempts to improve

My soul and purpose the attempts remove

I am no longer a girl but a shell

But all others see is me excel

Inside I fall

But others witness me rise up tall

Your eyes deceive

No longer can I believe

To Talk

A new poem I've been working on.  It's about my struggle with selective mutism.

To talk

Heart thump thump thump

In my throat a lump

Head racing

Palms sweating

Lights flashing

World crashing

Stop

Slow motion pen drop

Tick- tok tick- tok

Brain question roadblock

Say something

I have nothing

What did she ask

An answer shouldn't be such a task

Come on think think think

Eyes blink

She's looking at me

Deep breath in and out calmly

It's no use my lungs are glass

I look out at the sassafras

I try to say just a word

But her eyes aren't on me anymore

I wish Like others it would be easy to talk 

Instead out the window I gawk

Eventually she will say something

Maybe a new subject matter she will bring

If I'm lucky I'll find my voice

As if all along it was a choice